I’m still here

My name is Kaley Connor.  I was diagnosed with TM in 2003 when I was just 22 years old and a junior in college. I was unable to finish my degree, not just because of my disability, but because I had three young children to take care of while my husband works his butt off to make ends meet.  Being a mother with TM may be the hardest job I will ever have to do, but I wouldn’t give it up for anything. My kids have been through a lot with my illness.  I’ve tumbled down the stairs and broken bones from many falls.  I once fell through a window trying to make it into the bathroom.  

While I wrote this poem … I wrote this for all of us. 

I’m still here

When I’m all by myself,
I feel the heartbeat of somebody else
With the same ringing in my ear
I count on the things that I always fear
They give me pills to ease my mind
But restless nights I always find

I used to take advantage of the smallest things
And now I fly with broken wings
I feel alone even with a full house
Being “normal,” is what I miss most
I once was a tree, I stood very tall
But I’ve been cut down and now I am small

I’ve learned I’m lucky though it’s been tough
Because now I know that I have more than enough
I never used to stop for a rainbow or a simple sunset
But now I stop so I’ll never forget
For all this beauty the earth has to give
There has to be a reason that I was supposed to live

So I’m taking this one day to two
And while I’m here I’m enjoying the view
I know I am never really alone
Because G-d is watching until I come home
And so I live the best I know how
That’s really all any of us can do for now.

Kaley Elizabeth Connor